May 16, 2003

Moving On

Graduation. Commencement. Endings. Beginnings.

It's more than likely you know someone who is graduating this month. From college, from high school, or maybe they're moving on from kindergarten into a world of full days at school next fall. It's a time of reflection for those of us who are personally connected with the graduate. It's a time of celebration and joy, and maybe a little heartache. Whoever it is, whether a daughter or son, niece or nephew, or next-door neighbor, passing on some wisdom and grace to mark the occasion is well worth your time.

My friend told me about a card that her daughter, a graduating college senior, gave her for Mother's Day. The words on the card, written by Longfellow, were the gift of a lifetime.

yes, we must ever be friends;
and of all who offer you friendship
let me be ever the first, the truest
the nearest and dearest!

Had she been alone, my friend said she would have cried a river. As it was, surrounded by a table full of family members, she allowed a few tears to wet her cheeks. What, she wonders, could she possibly give her daughter in return for her upcoming graduation party?

So here are some ideas, though none match the bond of friendship and love that she and her daughter already have with each other. These gift ideas also work for other graduates, whether it's your six-year old son or a favorite niece.

Taking an adventure together is high on my list of suggestions. The nature of the adventure depends upon your relationship with the graduate, your ability to take some time off, and your pocketbook. I happen to know that my friend's daughter is planning to apply to graduate school, but hasn't yet decided which school to attend. A trip to one or two of the schools under consideration is a definite option, especially if one of them is in a city with great food and shopping possibilities.

If the graduate is a kindergartner, then a special day trip may be just the thing. If you know what their favorite foods are, then create a special-order picnic. Let it be a surprise for the full effect! Be careful not to mix up your own idea of a special day with theirs. Maybe you think that a hike to see the giant pines or a beautiful waterfall is just the ticket. But they'd rather go to the video games place at the mall, and maybe go bowling or to a movie. Get out your quarters and challenge them in a car race. (Make sure they have a good chance of winning.) Put on your dancing shoes and try out DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) if that's their favorite. Or prepare to enjoy a movie that you would never pick out on your own.

For a meaningful and long-lasting gift, try a book. Be careful though, because the wrong choice may set off a pair of raised eyebrows and a deep sigh, with a weak reply of "Gee, thanks." Be knowledgeable about the graduate and visit your favorite bookstore (you know which one….) A college graduate may have been so busy over the last few years that they hardly remember reading for pleasure. This is a great time to reintroduce them to this wonderfully fulfilling pastime, just in time for summer. I know, for instance, that my friend's daughter enjoyed yoga classes, but never had much time to practice. Now that she's graduated, time may be more available, so a beautifully illustrated resource book on yoga is a great idea. I also know that despite the recent Mother's Day card, she wasn't all that familiar with Longfellow, so a book with that special poem may be appreciated. Or if she missed the Harry Potter craze because of her studies, well, what better time to start? For a Spanish major, purchase the Spanish versions! For the kindergarten graduate, what better joy than browsing the bookstore together and letting them pick out their very favorite book?

If you have time, create an original and simple memory book. Using a blank book, select some photos and write your own captions. Visually, let the graduate know how and why they've been special in your life. Add a favorite poem or lyrics to a song. Sketch your favorite memory; it doesn't matter if you "can't draw". Pretend you don't know that and draw something anyway. Make a list of wishes for them. Share your most embarrassing moment and let them know how you got through it. Tell them ten things that make you smile.

If you have no time, you can always fall back on the green stuff, but make it fun, like a fanny pack filled with Sacajawea gold coins.

Send your questions to MaryJane Butters, c/o MaryJanesFarm, 1000 Wild Iris Lane, Moscow, Idaho, 83843. Questions may also be e-mailed to maryjane@maryjanesfarm.org. Please include your name and daytime telephone number. For more information, visit www.maryjanesfarm.org

• Commentary: Boys Who Crochet January 20, 2004
• Commentary: Wax, Wick, and Wavering Light January 8, 2004
• Commentary: Gifts from the Home December 10, 2003
• Commentary: Each Other December 3, 2003
• Commentary: Gather Up October 31, 2003
• Commentary: Rethinking Venison September 19, 2003
• Commentary: Rethinking Salsa September 5, 2003
• Ask MJ: squash harvest August 7, 2003
• Commentary: S'more Fun Around a Campfire July 31, 2003
• Ask MJ: garlic scapes July 24, 2003
• Commentary: Garden Hoses July 18, 2003
• Ask MJ: make your own toothpaste, drying flowers July 3, 2003
• Commentary: Sharpening and Caring for Your Garden Tools June 26, 2003
• Commentary: Hard-to-Find Gardening and Farming Tools June 19, 2003
• Commentary: Dried Food is Simplicity Itself June 12, 2003
• Commentary: See You on the Front Porch June 6, 2003
• Commentary: Simple Hanging Baskets May 30, 2003
• Commentary: Apron Strings and Purse Things May 23, 2003
• Commentary: Graduation May 16, 2003
• Commentary: Family-Friendly Travel May 9, 2003
• Commentary: Take a Kid Camping May 9, 2003
• Commentary: Gone Fishin' May 2, 2003
• Commentary: Give the Gift of Time — To Yourself! April 25, 2003
• Ask MJ: natural easter egg dyes April 18, 2003
• Commentary: Welcoming the Day April 11, 2003
• Commentary: Nesting April 4, 2003
• Commentary: Sprouting Sprouts March 28, 2003
• Commentary: Creating Photo Collages March 21, 2003
• Commentary: Mothers March 14, 2003
• Ask MJ: potted bulbs March 7, 2003
• Commentary: Grow Your Own Winter Greens February 28, 2003
• Commentary: Something About Buttercup February 21, 2003
• Commentary: Heirloom and Antique Seeds February 14, 2003
• Ask MJ: mild bathroom cleansers, starting plants from seed February 7, 2003
• Commentary: The Art of the Egg January 31, 2003
• Ask MJ: winter herb gardening, stevia January 24, 2003
• Ask MJ: antique sewing machines, fragrance free dish detergent, oils for baking January 17, 2003
• Commentary: Green Power January 10, 2003
• Commentary: Salad Spoon December 27, 2002
• Ask MJ: poinsettias December 20, 2002
• Ask MJ: whitening laundry, indoor plants December 13, 2002
• Ask MJ: entertaining children December 6, 2002
• Ask MJ: home canning November 28, 2002
• Commentary: Grow a Simple Holiday Gift November 21, 2002
• Commentary: Take a Vacation at Home November 14, 2002
• Ask MJ: eating out, furniture polish, composting, sweaty feet November 7, 2002
• Ask MJ: eating organic, indoor pollution October 31, 2003
• Ask MJ: cutting back on coffee, Valentine's Day and flowers, non-toxic nail polish October 24, 2002