MaryJanesFarm | Simply MJ

October 31, 2003

Gather Up

It's not so much about what women do; it's about what they don't do when they gather. That's what a friend recently told me on the phone, after inviting me to a women's get-together at her house next week.

Women gather. They find ways to share common interests with each other. They take a break from their daily lives. If it's been awhile since you've experienced the treasure of meeting with other women, let me introduce to you a few ideas to get started.

One woman I know started a finishing group once every week. She invites other women friends to stop by her house one evening every week, to finish their handwork. Some women mend, hem, or sew on missing buttons to shirts and dresses; others knit or crochet, or attend to the last details of a beading or art project. The point is to finish your projects in the supportive environment of other women friends - learning from each other and leaving with a finished project. Ever noticed how, when a friend tells a story about an experience she's had, we often find meaning or a lesson that applies to our own lives? Sharing stories, news, joys, and concerns is great stuff.

Maybe you'd rather gather for a get-away.

Satin WheelsThe women in the Satin Wheels like to ride motorcycles with someone designated as lead biker. The Satin Wheels women, from Washington, Idaho and Montana, take turns hosting campouts each month so they can see different locations in the Northwest. Everyone goes out to dinner Friday night and leaves early Saturday for a ride. Back in the afternoon, they go out to dinner and have a meeting. "At the meetings," according to Rose, a local member of Moscow, Idaho's women's motorcycle club, "we always welcome new riders, talk about how the ride went, and move on to T-shirts, logos, items for the newsletter, and where we want to go next time." After breakfast the next morning, they're on their way back home.

"I try to ride as often as I can," says Rose, "it's nice to leave the housework, leave everything behind, get out on your own. In the winter, you wear your fuzzy robe and slippers, holding a cup of coffee, and sit on your bike in the garage. You read a lot of magazines, you watch a lot of videos, you watch B-rated biker movies. You do get withdrawals." But springtime comes, and she's back on her bike, along with growing numbers of other women finding the spirit of the open road after all these years.

For those who don't wish to travel such distances, you can always travel back in time, like the Hot Flashes, of Moscow, Idaho, do when they perform. Delighting audiences with glamour, glitter and style, the Hot Flashes have been singing together for more than five years. Although they started as a group of friends who enjoyed dressing up in '50s clothes and lip-syncing to their favorite oldies, these four women soon discovered they could actually sing the tunes themselves and have the time of their life.

"It's the fun of getting up in front of people and helping them have a good time," says Terri, a Physician's Assistant. "We're all around 50. We can flirt. It's harmless. We can do whatever we want. It's so different from what I do from 8 to 5. It's a nice release." And their husbands, easily their biggest fans, simply adore them.

Interested in making the best of a Hot Flash? Here's what you'll need:

  1. Like-minded friends who share your interest in costumes and music.
  2. The right attitude. "You don't have to be good. You just have to pretend to sing and dance and be beautiful, and then people think you are."
  3. Willingness to take a risk. "Get out there and bust a move and don't care what people will think. If you haven't done that by middle age, then you gotta follow your dream."
  4. The ability to find magic in the little things in life. "When we go to a play, we dress up like the theme of the play. We dress up wherever we go. Other women are doing it, too."
  5. Permission not to set limits on "who" you are.
  6. Readiness to negotiate a fair amount of conflict. "We count on our friendships. We have to make sure we're comfortable with what we're doing."
  7. And, a place to store all the dresses, shoes and jewelry you'll accumulate, an extra closet, perhaps an extra home….

Send your questions to MaryJane Butters, c/o MaryJanesFarm, 1000 Wild Iris Lane, Moscow, Idaho, 83843. Questions may also be e-mailed to maryjane@maryjanesfarm.org. Please include your name and daytime telephone number. For more information, visit www.maryjanesfarm.org


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